Every since my Dad passed away, I had something in my heart and soul that I needed to do something to be a part of something that would help educate and assist others in need.
On November 10, 2009 I heard about a 10 year old girl falling from her building down a flight of stairs and died. A stirring in my stomach, I felt the need to know more. What I found changed my entire week and maybe my life. She didn’t fall; she took her own life. How does one this young begin to think that she no longer wants to live. All my feelings of being lost and confused plagued my brain again. I needed to do something. A blessing in disguise a link was provided on the paper in order to attend a suicide foundation. I quickly e-mailed the foundation in order to attend. Story of Girl
On November 19, 2009 I attended my first Suicide Conference. To my surprise there were a lot of people from all walks of life there, many who lost husbands, wives, sons, daughters, mothers and fathers. I glanced over the room to see some young people, however as the hours passed I found out they were working for the department of health or the crisis hotline. I thought to myself, there goes my social posy I was going to try and hang out with during lunch. I even seen this girl I dated for a brief time but I knew she was working for the state and wasn’t here for the same reasons I was. Blonde, Blue eyed girl that bought me a corona from across the bar. She sent it over with the waitress, I was dumbfounded and quickly said I didn’t order this corona. After begging the waitress she finally caved and said, that blonde girl bought you this drink. One of my most flattering moments I ever had. We went on 2 dates only for her best friend to confess his love to her, so she decided to give him a chance and that I would have to take the back seat. That was probably 3 years ago. I thought it was nice to see her, but I knew this was the wrong place, wrong time to try and rekindle an old flame. Nevertheless, it was nice to see those big blue eyes from across the way.
Dr. Dan Reidenberg opened the conference with some jokes to ease the crowd and spoke about the patience and how this epidemic is over looked. As I listened and found that the emotions I was going through were very common to those who lost a loved one through suicide; guilt, anger, depression, sadness, etc . Common sense tells us, yes this is the emotions but for some to say it and say they have seen many other people go through the same emotions was comforting.
Soon after the Doctor told some stories from his patience, a mother losing her twin boys, then a daughter losing her father, every story was heart wrenching and a tear jerkier. The story of the mother losing her twins was unbelievable. One of her sons took his life and during the year the other twin would spend it in a deep depression. On the one year anniversary of his brother’s death, He spent the entire day with the mom talking about his brother and random things in life; however what the mom didn’t know was that this would be her last day with this son. The next day when she woke up, she would discover her other son took his life too. He left a note telling his mother he was sorry and that she needed to take care of his youngest brother, last son, and that his twin brother knew no one in heaven, so he wanted to be there with him.
Hawaii has the lowest suicide rates, and still there is a suicide attempt ever 3 days. That’s every 3 days someone in Hawaii tries to kill themselves. Successful or not, this should make everyone realize how bad this disease is. And I say it again; it’s a disease and not a choice.
As the day went on, I met some amazing people. I got to meet a social worker that actually helped my dad get through my grandma’s death. It was overwhelming and at the same time comforting. We spoke about how my dad was and how my family was doing. She stated that she got the phone call that morning when she found out that my dad took his life. We live in a smaller world then we think, especially in Hawaii. With that we should all embrace those who are close to us and help others in need.
I meet an amazing man by the name of Art. The only way I can describe this man is a typical Hawaiian brother from the west side who is out spoken and speaks his mind. He was a man that tried to take his own life at one time and now is disabled and near-deaf. To hear this man speak, swear and yell to express what his mind was going through was life changing. I don’t even dare to repeat his story, since it was that amazing and I wouldn’t want to quote him wrong. But just know that it only takes one person to change the perception of another, and he defiantly change my perspective for those become suicidal.
The most intense part of the conference was towards the end. They called it the healing circle, only about 15 people signed up for this particular class and to be honest, as soon as the class started, I understood why. The best way to describe this scene would be from the movie “Fight Club” Where Edward Norton meets bob, and they start crying on each other’s arm. That was this healing circle. People spoke at will of what they went through, who they lost and how they are feeling. Many stories I had to hold my emotion, but I promised myself I wouldn’t cry anymore since I cried throughout the whole day. Many of them stated that they lost their son, daughter, and nephew 2-3-5 years ago and they still cry every night. I couldn’t imagine crying every night; this is how hard it is for a mother or father to lose their loved ones. So when I spoke I felt like I needed to give them advice and hope, instead of telling them how I spent my dad’s 1 year anniversary piss drunk on my couch, crying, and watching harry potter 1. I spoke about how I lost my dad, when I lost my dad, and what I’m doing to get through my days. I didn’t speak of religion; I didn’t speak of feeling sorry for myself. I spoke of being strong and doing this and living for my dad. Now keep in mind the rest of the circle were people that were in there 40-50-60’s, I was by far the youngest person. When I was finished with my little speech from the heart, I hope to myself I didn’t come off as being too ahead of myself, cold, not-sad, and stern. To my surprise, when the class finished, my dear friend art shock my hand and gave me a hug and said you are something else. Soon after another man that lost his son shock my hand and said you are very mature for you age. I laughed and said, “I can only be so sad for so long when I need to laugh again.”
At the end of the conference we did the suicide walk in Kapiolani Park and Pua the organizer wanted me to walk in the front. As I walked around the Kapiolani Park reflecting on what I learned and who I met, I began to realize that I went through an emotional rollercoaster and further more people have no idea on the situation of suicide.
Article of the Conference
Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for Americans ages 15-24
Every 3 days in Hawaii someone tries to take their life
In Hawaii there were 43 suicides among children aged 10-19 from 2004-08
Every 15 minutes in the US, someone tries to take their life.
90% of people who die from suicide have a treatable mental illness or substance abuse disorder.
People over look it, because if you can’t see the cancer or kidney disease, people don’t understand it.
Depression, bi-polar, and a million other mental diseases is so often over looked that people with it think that something is really wrong with them and soon suicide thought drown there mind.
People who take their lives are going through so much mental anguish that it doesn’t become a choice; it becomes a remedy to ease the pain.
• Call the suicide crisis hot line at 832-3100
• On the Neighbor Islands, call 800-753-6879
• National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 800-273-8255
